Worship

This past sunday the pastor read the passage about Mary pouring her perfume over Jesus and using her hair to wipe his feet. This is one of my most favorite stories of the Bible because its always touched that part of me that goes untouched far too often. I think we are born with the desire to love Jesus in this way but for many reasons (fear, pride, sin, etc.) we don't.
As the pastor read this passage, my mind immediately began to go another direction- actually I have no idea what the pastor said because I was off in my mind with this passage!

I immediately placed myself in Mary's place and went through the whole scenerio seeing me doing this to Jesus. I began to think, "How can I worship Him this intimately now? He's not here physically for me to pour oil over and wash his feet."
I immediately heard the Lord begin to show me that I am not to be Mary- I am to be the alabaster jar that contained the oil. The Bible tells us that the oil she used was worth one years wages and she broke the alabaster jar in order to pour it over Jesus' head. I heard the Lord say that I too was costly and must be broken to be poured out before the Lord.
I may not be able to physically wash Jesus' feet but I must be broken and not fearful to worship Him intimately. I so often am in worship and feel the urge to start dancing or crying but I immediately fear the reaction of the congregation (I do not attend a church where this happens regularly). I find this happens too when I am in an environment that allows such worship to happen because I have not followed the prompting of the Holy Spirit at other times.

I am so thirsty for His presence. I can barely stand myself. I have been in worship where the Lord has poured His oil on me in worship. Several years ago I attended a intercession/prophecy workshop in Texas and at one of the worship times (and a few thereafter) I was lost in worship, just standing there with my face towards the sky and my hands raised in surrender when I felt hot oil being poured over my face. I opened my eyes because it was so real but I realized it was happening in the Spirit. I am so repentant that the Lord has poured His oil over me in worship but I am too fearful to do the same. Lord, I am so sorry! I was born to kiss your feet- show me how!